At a recent extended family dinner, the topic of conversation turned to the fact that my partner and I have not blessed my parents with a grandchild. I coyly told them, “I already have a family.”
“The cats don’t count,”my mother scowled.
Before I had a chance to tell her to stop knocking my beloved kitties, everyone else started firing their two cents at my head. “You’ll change your mind”; “You’ll regret it someday”; “Who’ll look after you when you’re old?”
The pressure to reproduce is everywhere, especially for women. A friend about the same age as I am (28) has been trying for years to get her tubes tied and cannot find a doctor who will do it (one even told her she couldn’t believe my friend would deny herself the joy of motherhood). Though sympathetic organizations, like Child-free By Choice www.childfree.net) are growing in number and supporting the decision not to procreate, it’s still a hard sell. If you tell most people that you are happy being childfree, they perceive you as selfish. Or secretly miserable.
At some point during our little round-table discussion, an uncle chimed in and told me that I may think I am fulfilled, but only having a child would really enrich my life. No one disagreed with him. So, am I to believe that my numerous hobbies, extensive volunteer work, staying out late, and budding career are just frivolous diversions?
How many women have felt needlessly inadequate because they couldn’t produce offspring? I also wonder how many people out there are raising families when they really have no business doing so. It’s disturbing that so many people breed because they are lonely or bored. Or because they simply cannot think of anything else to do. So much for parenthood being inherently noble.
Raising your own brood can be a great thing, and I have immense respect for those who do it well. But there are so many other legitimate paths that deserve serious deliberation. It is not anyone’s duty to reproduce.
If I get the urge to hold something cute, tiny and cuddly, I’ll scoop up one of the cats. If someday I should regret my decision (and who goes through life without remorse?) I will deal with it. The alternative is to have kids I don’t want “just in case.” And that is a hell of a lot more selfish than not having them.
QUESTIONS:
1. What are some of the reasons the author gives for not wanting children? What are the reasons her relatives give as to why she should have children?
2. Do you feel there is pressure or expectation on couples in Canada to have children?
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